Porn Addiction Counselling: What to Expect
Individuals struggling with problematic sexual behaviour often feel anxious, embarrassed and unsure about seeking help. It takes tremendous courage to acknowledge that you are struggling and invite a professional into this space of vulnerability. There is often ongoing shame and confusion that can fuel secrecy and deepen problematic behaviour. Asking for help is the first step out of this cycle.
While the term “porn addiction” is popular among the public and media, it is important to know that this term is controversial in the field of therapy, can itself be an unhelpful term, and there are no official diagnoses of pornography addiction. The closest diagnoses we currently have to explaining individual’s problematic use is Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder in the ICD-11. The research is also murky in the area of porn addiction, however, I have heard more and more experts in the field acknowledge new research (and read this research) that say that there is a high likelihood that pornography is addictive to some individuals in the way that it impacts their brain, behaviours, and life.
I use the term here, simply out of recognition that it is a term that many individuals use to describe their relationship with pornography, and the distress this can cause in their lives. Also I do strongly believe that for some individuals pornography use does become an addiction. From a professional perspective “Problematic Pornography Use” or “Out of Control Sexual Behaviour”, is a more appropriate terminology. However, more importantly to me is whatever term you choose to use, I want to be able to understand how that term describes what is going on for you in your life. Regardless of language and diagnoses, what matters most is the impact on your life. You do not necessarily have to be “addicted” to experience pornography use as a problem. Whether addiction is present or not, your issues are still important and valid. Problematic pornography use describes when porn use feels out of control, leads to significant distress, and negatively affects daily functioning.
If you want to read more about what Problematic Pornography Use or Porn Addiction is- read my blog here. I also outline the signs of Problematic Use and stages of Porn Addiction in my blog here.
This blog will outline what to expect if you engage with me for counselling for problematic pornography use.
The Purpose of Counselling
The primary purpose of counselling for porn addiction, is to support you to experience a greater sense of individual worth, sexual health, wellbeing, and authentic connection. Practically, this looks like working towards whatever personal goal it is that you have around your pornography use: whether that be exploring a different type of relationship with your pornography use, reduction or complete cessation of use.
What to Expect in the First Session
In the first session, my main aim is to make you feel as comfortable as possible while also recognising change and healing is inherently uncomfortable, and at times painful.
I want to gain an understanding of your sense of wellbeing, what brings you to counselling, what you are hoping to get out of it, and gain some initial insight into who you are overall as a person. I will also facilitate a pornography assessment, to better understand the impact of pornography on your life.
How Therapy Works
From the first session, ongoing sessions really depend on the individual and their unique needs. The therapy journey can look different from one individual to the next, and I will always check-in with you in terms of what is most important to you for that session. Some individuals may desire more of a space to verbally process, “vent”, or reflect; others want more education and strategies; others want to actively work towards specific goals; and some like a blend of all of the above. Whatever it is that you need, I will tailor my approach to you.
At the same time, when it comes to Problematic Pornography Use, I do approach this from a flexible framework that may encompass:
Session 1-4: Assessment and Treatment Planning
This includes understanding your patterns of pornography use, its core drivers, and how it functions in your life. In this stage, I will support you in creating clear, values-based goals.
Stage 1: Initial Crisis Management
This includes addressing specific triggers and implementing initial strategies to curb problematic behaviour. A behaviour management plan will be created.
Stage 2: Emotional Regulation
This shifts from the initial crisis or short-term strategies, to strengthen your overall emotional regulation capacity through skill building. The aim of this stage is to stabilise and create a relapse prevention plan.
Stage 3: Reprocessing
This involves exploring past events and underlying issues more deeply to understand what has contributed to your current sense of self and behaviours. It involves reflecting, learning, and creating new meanings from past events, to build a healthier foundation for the future.
Stage 4: Reconstruction
This is where we focus on a positive sense of identity, confidence, connection to self and others, and looking towards the future. This includes exploring a positive sexuality that is aligned with your personal values.
It is important to note that everyone varies in the time they take in each of these stages. Also, it is very normal that at times these stages may blend, or that stages may need to be re-visited.
How Long Counselling Takes
Recovery for problematic pornography use is generally considered a lifelong process and active choice. However, the duration of therapy is highly dependent on the needs of the individual. When it comes to addiction, that is where intensive support is required, especially to achieve stabilisation as a minimum. I recommend weekly and at least fortnightly sessions if in the grips of problematic pornography use. Once stabilised (at the “completion” of stage 2), that is where we may be able to look at reducing session frequency. Again, this is highly dependent on the individual and their needs.
Most individuals require therapy spanning over the course of a year, and it is common that individuals may require longer especially if complex trauma relates to their addiction.
Sex Therapy for Porn Addiction
You may be wondering why I provide porn addiction counselling under sex therapy rather than general individual counselling. Sex therapy provides a safe and confidential space to explore the emotional, relational, and sexual aspects of problematic pornography use. While the initial focus of counselling may centre around behaviour management and emotional regulation, sex therapy broadens this to include your overall relationship with sexuality, pleasure, and intimacy.
Many individuals experiencing problematic pornography use also struggle with anxiety, shame, or confusion about their sexual identity, desires, or behaviours. Sex therapy supports you in understanding your sexual self through curiosity and compassion. It focuses on helping you reconnect with sexuality in a way that aligns with your values, relationships, and wellbeing.
For those in relationships, sex therapy can include work around trust, communication, and intimacy. It offers a space for both partners to better understand how pornography use has affected their relationship, address painful emotions like betrayal or insecurity, and explore ways to rebuild connection and closeness.
Through sex therapy, we may explore:
How early experiences, messages, and beliefs shaped your understanding of sex and self-worth.
Ways to experience sexual pleasure that are mindful, intentional, and connected.
How to release shame and move toward a healthier, more integrated experience of sexuality.
Ultimately, sex therapy aims to help you reclaim agency, develop a balanced sense of sexual wellbeing, and reconnect with authentic intimacy within yourself and, if applicable, with your partner.
Final Reflection
Recovery from problematic pornography use is not just about stopping a behaviour; it’s about healing the parts of yourself that have been numbed, hidden, or shamed. It’s about learning to meet your emotional needs with awareness rather than avoidance, and developing a healthy, compassionate relationship with your sexuality.
Counselling and sex therapy offer understanding, healing, and hope. Whether your goal is to reduce use, stop entirely, or rebuild trust in a relationship, therapy can support you in moving from secrecy to self-acceptance and from shame to connection.
You don’t have to navigate this alone. I offer online sex therapy for porn addiction across Australia, providing a confidential and supportive space to help you regain confidence, rebuild connection, and find freedom in your sexual wellbeing.
